I realized today that I haven’t been respecting myself.  I’m a big believer in others.

I say it to their faces, “I respect you”, “I honor how you show up in this world”. I say it all the time.

But today, I saw that I haven’t been saying it to myself.
I’ve been on a self worth enquiry this last week. Navigating the rivers of my own doubt.

I saw this quote on my instagram feed last week;
“There are people less qualified than you, doing the things you want to do, simply because they decide to believe in themselves. Period.”

It resonated so deep. I felt it.

So I started questioning WHY I didn’t have self worth? What was causing my to believe I couldn’t HAVE everything I wanted (because I’d have it already if I believed right?)

Running back through my own history, I was searching for a trigger, a moment where perhaps I could see that I had internalized someone else’s words into a belief that I wasn’t good enough for that (whatever that was).

I couldn’t find an incident.

I tried to examine the creases of my mind, slowly dusting off patterns which led me to today.

Safety came up.

I’ve been crying for safety most of my adult life (since my panic attack at 23 in the London underground).

My self worth is tied to my feeling of safety.

When I feel safe (truly trustingly safe) I feel radiant, unstoppable, worth every.single.thing.

And yet, safety isn’t always there, it falters in my existence.

I know it’s one thing I have to work on every day. Feeling safe. Knowing I am safe. Safe. Safe. Safe.

When I feel safe I give myself full permission to be the most radiant me I can be.

Yes. Permission.

I can say I’ve been waiting for permission all my life, all the little things I wanted to do  – go to this school and not that one, go to Goa for holidays, buy that dress. I was always waiting for permission from my parents to be allowed to do the things I wanted.

I still feel it today. I am craving their permission, them saying YES means I am free to do it. Remnants of my childhood still ruling my adult life.

Today I decided to grant myself ALL the permissions from now until forever. I don’t want to have to rely on outward permissions to be, do and have all I want.

So I wrote myself a permission letter today.

Here it is;
(Maybe you can read this and feel inspired to give yourself full permission to be the magnificence that you are.)

I am so so sorry.
I am so so sorry for not believing in you
I am so so sorry for doubting your magnificence.
I am so so sorry for negating your divinity.
I am so so sorry for saying NO when it was always a clear YES.
I am so so sorry for not respecting you.
I am so so sorry for not allowing you to shine.
I am so so sorry for making it hard for you.
I am so so sorry for blocking your needs.
I am so so sorry for not loving you fully.
I am so so sorry for not touching your feet in reverence.
I am so so sorry for not seeing your radiance.
I am so so sorry for not holding your hand.
I am so so sorry for not listening to you.
I am so so sorry.
I am. I am.

I love you.

I respect you.

I love you.

I care for you.

I love you.

I believe in you.
I am so so sorry.

~
I give you full permsission

I give you all my love

I give you permission 

to radiate

to love

to be sexy

to attract loving men

to make tons of money

to be spiritual

to be loved

to have a thriving heart led business

to host sold out events

to be wealthy

to be happy

I give you full permission to be you to radiate you
I give you full permission to be, do and have all you want.

I give you all the permissions right now and forever more.

I give you my permission.

You are free. You are radiant You are amazing.
You can do all of it.

I love you. I respect you. I love loving you.

xo Nora