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The one question that can change your relationships

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"I feel held" he said to me.
 
I nodded with a smile. Yes. 
 
“Yes” I replied.
 
Inside I was laughing. I knew exactly how he felt. I felt it too with him.
 
The feeling of safety, of unboundless freedom to be exactly who I wanted to be in any moment.
 
Safety, safety, safety.
 
I hadn’t connected that safety = freedom in my life.
 
Laughing as I write this now. I totally get it. Now all I want in all my relationships is exactly that, safety.
 
“You get me” he said. 
“You really get me”
 
I continued to nod. Yes.
 
I know I said in my head. I know.
 
__
 
I’m surprised. But not really.
 
All the ‘work’ I have been doing this year, is oozing through my pores. I am showing up as the person I REALLY wanted to be at the beginning of this year.
 
Kind. Powerful. Soft. Sensual. Here.
 
I have learned how to connect.
I have learned how to show up.
I have learned how to listen.
I have learned how to hold space.
I have learned how to give what people want not what I want.
 
How do you give the feeling of safety to the people you are in relationship with?
 
Ask this simple question;
 

"What can I do to support you right now?"

 
Then wait and listen (this is the key)
 
Listen to how THEY want you to show up for them, then show up that way (if it’s doable for you, if not you can negotiate what is doable for you)
 
__
 
Too often we give people what we want to be given. NOT what they want. This isn’t just for gifts by the way, this is how you can SHOW UP for people.
 
Like REALLY show up for them, not for you.
 
What happens is that they feel;
 

Seen

Heard

Appreciated

 
and
 

Loved.

 

 

 
 
“I feel held with you”
 
Yep. I know.
 
I know because I asked you what you wanted from me, how I could be there for you. 
 
And what you said was, “ask me how I am doing”, “ask me if I am OK”.
 
So the next time I got the chance, the first thing I said was, “How are you doing?  What is alive for you right now?”
 
and you replied…”you really get me Nora”.
 
Yes. Yes. Yes.
 
I am holding you. I am there for you. I am listening.
 
I see you.
I feel you.
I appreciate you.
 
___
 
 
Now YOU tell me, what can I do to support you right now?
 
Comment below and let us get this love train started on it’s journey of being there for each other.
 
 
xoxo
Nora
 

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