We think that we just ‘know’ how to have a relationship.
That we will find ‘the one’ and that he can meet all our needs.
A relationship is a moving dynamic between two humans that are constantly changing.
I teach relationships to women because we don’t know how to create healthy relationships. We learn by having our hearts broken.
Here are 4 things to do daily to have a healthy relationship;
Welcome all that you are, including all of your emotions.
So often we keep our emotions to ourselves out of fear or rejection or fear of losing love (the love we so crave deep down!), because if we share then what if…right? This isn’t the way. A simple practice is to acknowledge all of your emotions as they arise and not put a story to them! It is simply how you feel right here right now.
For example, you may feel angry at your partner for leaving his clothes on the floor, again. Acknowledge you feel angry by saying; “I feel really angry right now.” Wait 90 seconds, the time it takes for an emotion to process through your body, and then simply let it go without telling yourself the story of “How many times have I told him this! He never listens. He is such a slob. I can’t deal with this…” etc.
Acknowledge and welcome all that you are.
Share your deeper feelings.
If you feel a lack of intimacy in your relationship it’s more than likely you aren’t communicating your deeper feelings. If you feel like you are hiding, ashamed or walking on eggshells in your relationship then it’s a clear sign you are not having the conversations you need to be having.
What you can do is set up a weekly non-negotiable conversation time. Each of you gets 15 minutes to speak whatever is on their mind, the other simply listens, then you switch roles. It’s a practice to allow yourself to open up and share without being judged as well as to be a listener. From there you can lay the foundation for a discussion around what came up.
Understand your needs and make sure you meet them.
Have you though about the different needs you have? From emotional, to physical (like sex), intellectual and even spiritual? Most of us just default to thinking they will get met.
One of the reasons you may feel unfulfilled in your relationship is precisely because you haven’t thought about your needs or how you or your partner can meet them. Get out a pen and journal on your needs. What is not making you feel loved, desired, supported, safe or stimulated? You can then share this with your partner.
It’s important to know that your needs may not get met by your partner, you can also meet some of your own needs, however it is up to you to decide if your partner is not able to meet your greater needs, is this the partner for you?
Check in with your partner daily.
A relationship is a fluid agreement container, not a concrete love heart. Checking in with your partner means asking them what they need support around, listening to them, asking them how you can show up for them or even asking is this relationship supporting their individual needs?
It’s a tough series of questions to ask because what if they say ‘no’? Then it’s an open discussion to how you both can problem solve!
These are daily practices to have a healthy relationship. Which step are you already taking or need some more guidance on?
If you are struggling with having a healthy relationship, I can help. Book in a no cost relationship strategy call here with me and let’s figure this out